"Get ready for summer"- articles....ugh!
Hei folkens!
Jeg har jo før blogga på engelsk - and let's face it: noen ganger en engelsk rett og slett morsommere! ha!
Så, jeg hadde uansett lyst til å lage et innlegg til dere om hvor mye jeg hater "bli sommerklar" artikler - men denne som jeg skrev i 2011 er jo rett og slett ordrett det jeg vil si, så - here you go and hope you like it!
Klemmer fra Tove
"Are you beach-ready?"
- What kind of an insulting question is that?
I can seriously hear the doubt in your (beauty/fashion journalists)voice as I read it- you KNOW I?m not ready don´t you. And ready for what exactly? You (again- any random beauty/fashion journalist...excluding myself, of course) make it sound like now is the time for me to wallow around in choices of leopard bikinis and pinky-sparkle lip glosses- but life just ´aint that easy kid (I´m getting a lip now, you see). You say: "Are you beach ready"- I read "Are you ready to publicly display your half naked, un- plucked, un-tanned, cottage cheesed body to the world? Do you think you´ll get into ANY of these playsuits we´ve picked out for you, and do you really think this make-up is gonna last on that sweaty face of yours?"
- So judgmental...you...
- So judgmental...you...
Anyways, here´s MY list over what we buy for summer and the real reason why (no matter how many fashionista spins we migh put on it:
To cover up our incredibly uneven leg-tan, how the hell did that HAND print get on the back of your thigh!?
It might look fancy and all, but when it comes down to the moment of need, it really is just a good excuse to spray cool water on your face...and that´s quite nice when you think about it...
3. Exfoliater
( Or Scrub-a-dub-dub as any sane beauty journalist would write):
The layer of dust, filth and the occasional alcoholic beverage that sticks to our sweaty skins during summer, can only be removed with some heavy exfoliating- and don´t fall for that "make it yourself" crap- go buy one you cheap!
4. Sunscreen:
Seriously the most expensive deadly necessary medical care out there! We buy them, we sometimes remember to use them- but most likely you´re using the one from last year that doesn´t actually have any effect anymore. You kind of know it, but you kind of want to get the burn over and done with so you can get 2 days of tan before September....so dumb, so me.
5. Swimsuits:
We love them, we buy them, we secretly think they will make us look ten times slimmer, but after one day at the beach we take a good look in the mirror and realize that an enhanced white area from tits to pubes is not the way to go. We might want to look good on the beach, but we want to look good naked more.
Easy- the rest of us is all sweaty and shiny- might as well go with it and make it a theme-party.
7. Funky lip color:
We´re all lazy and this is quick- but we call it fashion instead(has it ever NOT been in fashion?)
Again...lazy...no make-up needed, I personally swim, dance and sleep with mine on. But seriously though, remember to protect both eyes and wrinkle prone area around it- squinting attracts them crows!(If a Tove dictionary is needed- holla' out!)
I honestly think we´re all just so turned on from walking around half naked and sweaty all day, that we need something as an excuse to touch ourselves...or subsequently let others see us touching ourselves...ok, I?ll stop saying touching ourselves now....and it smells nice too...
10. Flowery Perfumes:
Because we STINK! Durrr...and a musky perfume on top of sweat really just smell like curry for some weird reason, so flower-up that sweat instead!
My list is done, I?ve managed to mention the word sweat 7 times, but also actually given you some good pointers...if you reaaaaallly think about it...
YOU´RE WELCOME!
Marte
25.02.2013 kl.21:33
Tove Eggen
26.02.2013 kl.11:58